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It's been a while so I figured I'd drop a little entry just to say I am alive, things are good, & I'm rather happy, I'm not sure why cause theres no man around, & I'm still in debt but yeah I'm on cloud 9 & still heading up.
My Skitz has had her babies, & we have nick named them, plus mum's decided she's keeping 1 so good on her, if thats what she wants to do then so be it, I know I'll be the 1 having to share my bed with her.
But yeah now you people know I'm alive & I'm not sure what else to say........
So hope all is well & yeah...
cu
- Location:Cloud 9
- Mood:
amused - Music:Kicking Harold - Gasoline
but thats not the reason for my entry.
My hobby, Cross stitch is starting to earn me some money, I have just fisshed a wall hanging for a friend with pink ribbons, teddies & dolls with the name, date of bitrh, place of birth, time of birth & weight for his daughter. I got $40 for it, cause I have no idea what they go for or anything like that. I have seen some around but never caught the price, but hey it's a start aint it.
I've also been typing up some letters for some friends for when they want to resign from their job, review a decsion, apply for a job or what ever the reason might be, & each time I do it, I'm getting better & faster, it wont be long till my speed & accuracy is up again, & who knows I may even be able to ask them for some kind of refference or something along those lines cause none of them have complained. Maybe that's just due to the fact they didn't have to do it them selves
My Cat Skits has had her kittens & she's a great first mum. Every morning she has to lead you to see them so she can show off, Shes loving all the attention she's getting where Socks & Speck aren't loving it to much but thats ok they get plenty of attention at night so I try to make up for it cause they are outside during the day, plus I don't want them to feel like they aren't wanted & run away.
Anyway all the lack of sleep is catching up so I'm off to bed,
21st on sunday went ok, I had drinks on friday for it cause sunday was going to be a 'family' day but ohh no me & Danni got rather plastered. I didn't want anything big, I was going to then I changed my mind. Im good like that, got sweet fuck all but had a fantastic time & no fucking hang over, it was great, Danni was a bit green but didn't want to admit it.
anyway thats all for now, Ive gotta dash, cu
The 1 thing I really want I can't have because of everything hanging over my head, it seems that as fast as I make 1 dent in something another thing pops up. I really feel my 1 chance at happiness is so far away but it feels like its so close. Everyone keeps telling me to go for it, but I can't, I have this anchor around my feet stopping me from moving anywhere and I know what I want isn't going to make its way here to stay, maybe a flying visit & that would be it. And before you ask, no I'm not saying who it is & yes they do know how I feel. I suppose I could get out of Debt with my step nanas help & shit like she has offered, but I think I'm afraid of the whole moving thing again plus I dont want to be like some people who depend on their parents or grandparents to bail them out. I did say that if I did get in over my head then Id accept some help but I don't want her to clear all off it, I still want to feel like I'm making an effort of my own. But then again if I take her help it means I could possible move, but by that time I still can't be sure if it's to late or not.
I have an appointment with some doctor on friday about my ankel & a part of me is worried, but the other part of me is feeling relief because I could soon find out whats wrong with it. My doctor put me onto this guy thru ACC which means I don't have to pay, which is a bonus, my Doctors bill is already up over $100 because of this bloody thing. But both him & I agreed to hold off on the physio & see what this other doctor says, all I want to know is if it's going to heal by its self in time, or is it going to need help, via an op or physio. I hope I don't have to go back to physio, I'm sick of the throbbing pain afterwards & the swelling that happens.
I also saw my doctor about my back, well ok I didn't make an appointment, Saturday I was sitting in the car & I had this twitch in my back & then I felt all yuk & sore so mum took me up to the doctor & he had a look & saw how hard it was for me to do anything. Ive been trying to tell him for months what it felt like but he didn't understand. It often happens once which is normally the worst 1 & then over the next few days it happens but not half as bad. So he took some xrays & has refured my on to a different specialist. Theres some long fangled name for whats wrong with my back but basically its a curverture of the spin. I was told a few years ago if 1 of the curves were more than 15 degrees they would do something. At that time the top curve was 15 degrees, the middle 1 was 27 degrees & the lower 1 was 17 degrees. Yet nothing was done, but now that I'm getting pinching my doctor thinks it might be increasing & it could be pinching the nerve between the shoulder blades so he wants another opinion. About bloody time I say.
Thats the other thing, my 5 year mark is comming up for my depo so I have to get a Diabetes check, I'm not worried, infact I had completely forgotten that being on the depo for a long period of time could increase the risk until my doctor reminded me that I never had 1 after 2 years, but all good, I'll get around to it at some point this year, hopefully. Nuh I'll get around to it, I have to for my mothers piece of mind, I might even make an appointment during the week to do it if it will make her get off my back & if it will shut the rest of the house hold up.
The repairs are coming along on the honda, only have the number plate light to secure to, ohh any put 1 seat belt in now that we have grinded off the bolt, when we took it out of the wreck that we had here the sheet metal ripped to bolt & all came but the bolt wouldn't come loose. Ohh & I have found a new tool that I want. I want a air impact thing that takes the wheel nuts off cars. Trev has 1 & I was allowed to use it today with his supervision of corse but it was great, it would make some of the jobs on cars so much easier to do, it's a pitty they are so big though, theres a few gaps that are to small that the great tool would be good on.
Anyway I'm getting the hurry up from a certain person to finish this, I don't think I have missed anything out so Good morning or Good night, depending on if you have slept yet, or if your heading off to sleep.
So I said a while agao I was going to update on everything that has gone on in the past month.
I'll start with the trip to Wanganui, I know I have mentioned it but now is the time to elaborate more seeing as I have the time.
I picked up Morgs from school & headed to Danni's & Wendy's, I had only just sat down & Danni wanted to go, but first I had to roll a smoke, put the 2nd bandage on my foot, check my ph & then have a drink. So after that was done we all jumped in the car. The whole trip I had Kelly's knees digging into the back of the seat, & it felt like I was sitting in the dash, I can't drive like that I have to have leg room, it's just who I am. So after we filled up we headed off. It felt like I'd been driving for 5 minutes when I was told about that She wanted to stop. Between the knees in my back, being asked to keep the windows down & turn the stereo up, then them all yelling over the top of it at one another & shauny screaming in the back seat cause the music was to loud & they were screaming & the smell of alcohol while I was driving it was not a good trip. I don't think I will bother doing it again, I would have perfered Danni's mate Will & his Girlfriend Emily even though I don't get along with her.
Anyway, once we got to Wanganui we got lost a little, Laurent had a fair idea where we were going but it was hard to take his word because of the way he was giving directions. The trip back was heaps better, I was able to have the windows up, the stereo as loud as I want it & better still there was no screaming or knees in my back. I think I had a headache by the time we hit woodville on the way there. But we made it there & back in 1 piece plus it only cost us $47 to fill my tank, Danni put $50 in theres just out side of Wanganui & she had to put another $20 in when she got to Waipawa.
A few nights later I had to take Laurent to Waipuk, So he could drive Joseph up north cause him & his girlfriend have decided to move back to her home town again, which is a shame but never mind, can't have everything aye, it seems strange that my closest mate no-longer lives in Hawkes bay. I never thought he'd leave, he use to say he was always going to leave but it was Joseph, he use to say 1 thing & do another all the time.
I was going thru all the shit I brought back with me from wellington, I actually found shit that 1 I forgot I had & 2 that I never thought I took with me. I was shooked actually, but my mother has found use for 80% of it so thats a bonus.
I was thinking about going down & seeing Liz & a few others but to be honest I really can't be fucked cause people who I don't want to see or meet will want to catch up or meet & to be honest I can't be bothered with half the crap.
Now that I got my replacement phones Ive been catching up with a few people, I've been Texting Aaron & Jacqui a bit. I've caught up with Aaron since returning from Wellington but I haven't really caught up with Jacqui & she only lives about a 5-10 minute drive from here. I think we are both pretty slack aye. I should get off my ass & see her, but then again it's too bloody hot today to see anyone, let alone to go outside for a smoke.
I caught up with a mate last night but they asked me not to mention there name because they don't want to annoy to many others because they didn't see them, but the short catch up was good, seeing them reminded me how much I cared & shit about them, it was nice. Pitty its going to be a while till I see them again, but never mind.
Currently I'm hating this single shit cause a few mates wanted to go out last night with their partners & they asked me to go but I would have been the odd 1 out so yeah I didn't end up going. I know I'm normally the odd 1 out but not to that extent, they were like you might find someone or see people you haven't seen for ages, but nuh. I'm pretty glad I didn't go.
I gave speck & scks a bath yesterday, it was reather funny, they looked like over grown drowned rats, they needed the bath anyway cause their fur was starting to look & feel yuk plus it was hot, They didn't come near me for the rest of the day, they wouldn't even come when they were called, Gid's had to call them & put them away & feed them, snobby bitches. I think the only reason they like me today is cause I shared my chicken with them, buttime will tell.
Ohh yeah, we got digital installed finally after all these years of Gids saying he was going to do it, I'm rather happy about it, CARTOONS are on all day, its great. its a pitty I didn't have the money to get it installed in my room, I missed a bloody good movie last night all cause Gids wanted to watch soccer. Cathy has a new job at Heavens Bakery in Greenmedows the crazy bitch starts at 4:30am & finishes between 8am & 11am depending.
I should be cleaning my room but I really can't be bothered, I think I'm looking forward to Winter, nice & cool or should I say cold, heaps of rain which means I wont have to do shit..... could be fun.
I should also be cleaning my car inside & ot too, but the heat is over powering.
Anyway time to piss off.
- Mood:
hot
If your wondering who Matt is, he is my mate who I went to school with who recently came out & told us all he was gay, anyway. (Ohh yeah & he has the Hots for Danni's mate JB!!!!!
He lost his job, he was doing some IT shit for this company for almost 5 years, his mum reckons he will find another IT job, but that's not likely. At the moment Hawkes Bay aren't screaming out for IT workers, but not only that while he was working he didn't get the qualifications for it so the chances are rather slim, he applied for some jobs in Wellington & auckland but was told the chances of him getting them was slim because of not having the qualifications, so yeah I don't know what he's going to do. At the moment he has going back to working at his Dads Garage to make ends meet & he's doing graphic designs for cars too in his spare time.
He's got a good eye for detail & he's such a hunny, he's had a bit of a rough time these past few months so hopefully things will work out for him.
Anyway it's almost that time again where I jump in the car & go to Hastings to get Morgs, hope your all having & boring ass but wonderful day in some respect.
Cu!
Ohh yeah update another time, I know I keep saying that but if you keep waiting it will happen.
- Mood:
drained
Went to Wanganui Yesterday with Laurent, Danni, Kelly & Shauny to pick up Danni's new car. She got a Bright yellow Holden so no fears of not noticing that around town. The trip was ok sort of, only next time I wont be taking the likes of Kelly for the share fact that she was suppose to be a spare driver just encase Danni or myself got sore but instead she drank. then we had 6 fucking stops on the way there, & 1 on the way back. My car went well, I thought I was going to have problems but no!!!
I was going to text you Cat to see if you were alive & then arrange to meet but it wasn't till I got to the gorge & thought how did I miss Feilding???? but never mind always another day for a road trip.
Anyway that's all for now I might update more but then again I might not.
Cu
P.S... I got my replacement phones to. They only had my 027 in stock but they are ordering my 021 so they will ring when it gets in.
Tuesday was dull boring & uneventful, I think the only thing interesting about that day was I got my new speakers for my car that I'm not even using at the moment.
Then theres Wednesday. My 1st day back at the only type of job I have. I started picking up Morgan again. It's normally a Tuesday, Wendesday & Friday & I'm enjoying it again. I think last year the holidays couldn't come sooner but now she's back at school with a decent teacher & she's enjoying it. When I turned up on wednesday she didn't want to go home. It took about 15-20 minutes to get her to agree to go home. In a way it was a little annoying but then again I was happy to see her back to her old self & wanting to go to school & actually enjoy going. It's been a long time coming, the school should have done something about her old teacher when the complaints were made. It's not like they were being made for the share hell of it. They were being made for a reason. The teacher has no right to grab a student by the shirt & pull them closer just so you can yell at them. To me that is wrong. But enough of that subject.
Lets skip Thursday cause that was just a mellow day where I watched movies all day & didn't do anything else. It was my day.
Friday!!! The end of the week, started off with a shitty morning where nothing went right, then the afternoon consisted of waiting for a doctor & then running late to get Morgs. Well I got the in time I just didn't make it to her class. But she didn't hold it against me, actually she thought it was Thursday & that her Grandma had forgotten about her, but that wasn't the case.
I rolled my ankle last Monday, & normally the pain would last about an hour or so, but no this time it's still there so this is turning out to be a bloody long hour.
The doctor didn't want to do an x-ray because of the swelling so of course I've got to go thur the pain of going to the physio, but I think tomorrow he'll ask for an x-ray. fingers crossed he will. I'd like to know either way if I have just "badly sprained" it as he put it or what. I hate not knowing for sure, especially with this bloody pain & lack of movement. I think my fear is at the moment that if I don't have the x-ray soon then I'll go thru all this pain with physio only to find out it could have made the problem worse. but then again knowing my luck there will be nothing wrong, & I would have gone thru this pain & worry for nothing. Bloody ankles!!!!
I was asked by Wendy to stay at their place on Thursday night because Danni's going into hospital for the day, Wendy's going with her & I'll have leah for the day. Then I'll have to get shauny from School. Then most likely I'll have to pick them up from the Hospital. I think Tee is picking Morgs up that day & dropping her off so she can go back to Work but I'm not to sure. It's possible. But the reason I'm staying is cause I'll have to help Wendy out with the kids & I'll have to take shauny to school on the Friday, but I'm not sure yet. It's all up in the air.
But anyway back to doing what the Doctor said.... Rest the ankle, ohhh what fun!!!!!!! NOT!!!!
I was sitting here Reading Cats journal. & it hit me. I'm fucking Lazy when it comes to excersise! Since I got my licence I haven't walked far, Ive gotten into this habbit where if I can't get a park close to where I want to go then I will leave it and do it later.
I have no motivation! that is my problem. As Cat just said "It is hard to get motivated..you have to want to do iteh" & yes shes right you have to want to do it. I do want to loose my weight I gained while being with Chris, I want to go back to wearing the clothes I use to & feel comfortable in them. I suppose it's just the judgement that could happen while I'm out there that is putting me off, but I know once I'm finished loosing the weight & I'm happy with it I wont take any notice of it.
It doesn't help that when your having a fantasic day someone or something fucks it up & you feel like shit about it for days or weeks. But that's not an excuse. Here I am again making excuses & trying to make myself believe them I'm bloody hopeless.
At the moment I don't feel comfortable in anything I wear, I'm always worried that someone is going to say something, I mean 12kg since being back from Welly aint that much, especially when you think about how long I've been back for.
I am so sick of making excuses & better still I'm so sick of carrying round this weight. I mean to look at myself I know that it's not much but it's enough to fuck me off. I am better than this. I can pull it off & I can show myself what the fuck I was & have been missing out on.
I am past that stage of my life, I am past carrying round this extra weight, I am past stressing about going to a shop, infact I want to loose the exta weight, not only for my own reasons but also to rub in a few other peoples faces. like the ones who say "you'll never do it" So this is what I say to you: FUCK YOU!!!
It is going to happen, nuh, Im going to make it happen. Cheers Cat!!!!!
Anyway...
I'm getting into this bad habbit where I'll be listening to something & then all of a sudden I'm a world of my own & everyone around me gets shitty cause I'm not listening to them. Most of the time it's not even important, but I suppose it is to them.
We have decided that we aren't going to make a huge deal about my 21st, maybe a BBQ with mates & shit but not much drinking, to many of my mates are preggers & they aren't due till between June & Sept so we have all decided that the massive piss up aint happening till after then so thats all good, gives people plenty of warning, plus I don't want to shove the temptaion in their faces.
Ive come across this great song 'Ying Yang Twins - Naggin (Blah Blah Blah)' It's great! it's rather funny if you listen to it, rather offensive to females but if you put that a side then you'll see the funny side, if you don't then tough I suppose.
I am hoping to have my new phones this week, if the insurance company has finished dicking around, they have had the paper work over a week now & I can't blacklist my 021 till I get a piece of the paper work back because my mother didn't listen & sent in both parts of the police report thingy instead of the front half but never mind nothing I can do about it now. So fingures crossed most of you who gave me your numbers will get a text with my new numbers. Don't quote me though. I did say fingures crossed.
Ohh yeah... Sammy went Home yesterday, she seemed to have a good Christmas & birthday so thats the main thing & then she's back again in 9 weeks. It sounds like its ages but it's only 2mths & 1 week. It seems weird but this time I think I'm actually going to miss her, so as you can tell I can't wait for the next school holidays, but between now & then I'll spend more time with the kids & hopefully find work & I might even get my hair done finally, I've already put the money for Tee aside to do it, I just haven't gotten around to getting it done yet. Typical.
Anyway all for now I think
- Location:In a house
- Mood:
indescribable - Music:Bob Sinclair - Rock This Party
Todays been pretty shitty.
The job interview didn't go to well.
The fucking doctor took more blood for tests, my other road trip has been put on hold for now.
It's been stinking hot, I've been shitty for most of the day, I reckon it's one of those weeks, doesn't matter what you do or how you think about things it always seems to make you shitty.
I did quiet a bit of cleaning both here at home & at Danni's & Wendy's & now I'm felling the after effects. I threw my back out again, while cleaning the Subaru. I'm just glad the lap top is fixed now, cause I can lay in bed & the screen adjusts so I don't have to move & put up with the pain. But I suppose it's all good. the shitty mood will go, the heat will go but come back tomorrow if it doesn't rain & the back pain will ease tomorrow & I'll possibly be out of bed by 10am. if not then it looks like dvds & geeking for me tomorrow. But then again, it might be all good, I might wake up at 2am with no pain, who knows, only time will tell.
CU!
- Mood:
sore
Don't ask me why I started this enty with that but I did.
I'm not the happiest of campers today, infact I'm rather slack, rather tired & rather bitchy, but try not to hold it against me.
I have a job interview tomorrow which probably isn't going to go as well as I like it because I also want to study & I'm going to have to ask if it is possible to have 1 or half a week day to go into a school & shit. I'm going to do a teachers aid course & go from there, if I enjoy it then I'll spend the time & energy doing the rest. I don't want to spend all this time & energy on studying only to find out I don't like the job in the end, where with this teachers aid course in the end if I don't like working in a school I can still do some tutoring outside the school.
It's Bill day, where I wake up with some money & then by lunch time today I'll have none! aint it great. HAHA!!!
Nuh it's all good, I'll have enough to get a feed & put Gas in the car so that's all good. As long as I can get in it & go somewhere I don't care.
I was suppose to be going to Wellington this weekend to pick up a mate from the airport but I think they are going to get a flight up here instead. Which will be good if he can other wise I'll take someone with me so the trip aint boring. The Subaru doesn't have a cd player..... ARGH!!!!! long trip no cds!
Anyway gotta go pay bills so CU!!!!!
On a hot day, sitting at the computer, waiting for Dinner, Drinking and in PJ's.
It's been far to hot to do much else today, I know it's not the hottest day we've had this summer but we've had sweet fuck all wind, and it doesn't seem to matter where you sit the heat is right there! It's like standing over an oven of some sort.
I was suppose to go to Woodville today for the motor cross but I didn't get that far. I lent my car to Danni because her one was "suppose" to be getting fixed but now they are selling it & they are going to buy another one on Tuesday but that's not the reason I didn't go. I have put around $50 in my brothers Subaru since Wednesday & I've only used it once. the reson I put the gas in was to go to Woodville & when I got home last night I was told that his BIT Cathy was using the car today when he clearly knew I was going to the motor cross, but never mind, it's never worth an argument because in the end I just walk away & it happens anyway, So I'll have a look on the net later to see who won what & shit & that will be in, but if there's no gas in the car & she refuses to put any in then it wont be the end of it.
I've got Sammy's birthday next friday so that's going to be interesting, more fucking fighting at Danni's, heres hoping she has told the loser Justin to fuck off by then. He's a real mental case. He'll start drinking & when he gets to a certain stage he starts to pick fights with everyone, & it will be over the stupidest things like Danni laughing cause kelly got a shock from some game & spilt beer or burbon on herself. He's always paranoid & always walks around the house & freaks the kids out & worst of all he taps his feet.
But to sum it up Danni ended things with him last week & said he could stay till he finds somewhere else, but he hasn't bother to try, he still picks fights & she's starting to snap at the kids rather than tell him to pack his gear & leave. But never mind nothing I can do at the moment till I'm asked to help in some way.
There was a few other things but dinner is ready & I've forgotten what it was, so if I remember I'll add them later.
4 YEARS AGO...
How old were you?: 16
What school year were you in?: Yr 11
Where did you go to school?: Colenso High
Where did you work?: n/a
Where did you live?: Napier
Where did you hang out?: Hastings
How was your hair style? Black, Thick and ALL 1 Lenght
Did you wear braces?: Nope
Did you wear glasses: Nope
Who was your best friend?: Toni-Ann
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend? Josh
Who was your celebrity crush? Reality Hit, it wasn't going to happen
Who was your regular-person crush? At the time, I know who but I won't answer
How many piercings did you have? 5
How many tattoos did you have? None
What was your favorite band? Pass
Had you smoked a cigarette yet?: Yip
Had you gotten drunk or high yet: Yip on a regular basis
Had you driven yet: No.
Had you been to a real party yet? Yip
Had your heart been broken? Yes
TODAY...
How old are you?: 20
Where do you go to school? Don't
Where do you work? n/a
Where do you live?: Napier
Where do you hang out? Hastings, Napier, Clive & Bay view
How is your hair style?: Colour Has change to a chocolate brown, & now its styled some how
Do you have braces? No
Do you wear glasses?: No
Who is your best friend? Still Toni-Ann
Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend? No one
Who is your celebrity crush? Reality is still there
Who is your regular-person crush? Same as above
How many piercings do you have?: 4
How many tattoos do you have?: None, but apparently everyone from hastings is chipping in for 1 for my 21st
Have you smoked a cigarette yet?: Yip
Have you gotten drunk or high yet? Yes
Have you driven yet? Yes
Have you been to a real party? Yes
Has your heart been broken? Yes
Plans are starting to happen.........
So far we have decided that it's happening on the 30th/31st of March all because my birthday falls on a Sunday, we have decided on some kegs & shit, apparently I'm not allowed to plan anything all I'm suppose to do is inform people, Gids & Danni + her mum are planning the rest. So to sum it up I'm gonna be so smashed I'm most likely going to have a hangover for a month.
Anyway I have informed u people... so now my job is done, don't treat it like an invite treat as a warning, so u know if u get a random txt u will know what its for. & yes there will be a few people I would appreciate if they didn't turn up but I suppose seeing as I'll be starting the Thursday before I'll be to smashed to worry about it later & I wont have to see any of u again till the next big event somewhere along the lines...
Ha fucking Ha!!!
Cu!
18mths of being back in Napier, sounds stupid but it was the best thing I did. It's made me realise that yes I'd like to settle at some point maybe (if it works out) & yes I'd like to have a child or two. Yes that's right I just said that.
Plus JB & I have a great agreement. We even have it in writing. If I have a child & it is a boy I am going to hand over custody of him to JB with the conditions that I will be able to see him & that my family could see him if they want to. I made this choice because I was with him the day he found out he cant have kids & when he came out about being Gay & I don't care what anyone else says, if I can help by giving him the chance then screw the world.
But we will see.
On a good note, I have found my birth cretificate so on Monday I can go & pay for my licence & then put in my insurance to replace my cell phones. plus they are going to reimburse me for the cost of replacing all my cards & shit in my wallet & the cost of getting a new wallet. Good on ya Tower.
anyway that's all for now....
But during that period both my 021 & my 027 cell phones were stolen so to anyone who has texted since the 15th I'm sorry I haven't replied but now I'm trying to get my numbers back so when I replace my phones I can store them.
So if I had your number please leave a comment with your name & number and I'll add it. All comments will be screened & once I've added them or writen them down I will delete the comments so numbers wont be passed on. Or if you have my email addy then you can email me.
I'll update more later on.
